3 Mindsets Holding Single Moms Back
It's really no secret that single moms have the odds stacked against them. Single moms face the almost overwhelming challenges of sexism, financial security and typically shoulder the bulk of the parental responsibilities as the primary caretaker. There are mountains of issues we can point at and examine, however that doesn't change the fact that everyone, and I do mean everyone, has the opportunity to design their own lives and be happy.
We all might not face the same challenges (and some certainly get more thrown at them than others) but we all have the same ability to decide what we'll do when we face difficult times, and how we'll overcome them.
If you are feeling like you're hitting dead ends at every corner and life isn't giving your any breaks, it could be that you're actually holding yourself back. Your perspective has a powerful impact on how your reality unfolds and it's up to you to grab the metaphorical pencil and write out your own story.
Here are 3 mindsets that could be holding you back from being happy.
This post may contain affiliate links! That means I recommend things that I love and use myself and I'll receive a percentage if you use the link to buy it! :)
1. You believe that you're stuck. You see no way to improve your situation because there's just too many obstacles and challenges. For many single moms, the main concern comes in the form of financial security. They feel like they don't have any way to make more money, they're in too much debt, and they're out of control of their financial situation. Many times single moms feel like if the father just paid child support they'd be much better off and that's the reason why they can't move forward in getting on their feet money wise.
Sometimes it can feel like you're stuck in your social life. There's never anyone to watch the kids, you can't afford a baby sitter, you don't have friends or no one wants to date a woman with kids. You're destined to a life of loneliness with only your children as company.
Whatever the situation is however, you're not stuck. You ultimately dictate how your life goes so if you're stuck, it's time to start looking for a way to improve instead of drowning in your circumstances. You can either wait for someone to come around and build the bridge to a better life for you and your child/ren, or you can start grabbing bricks and build that bridge yourself.
That's not to say you're not facing some very tough circumstances or that it's going to be smooth sailing and glitter from here on out, but in the end "it's all you baby". Build your own support system if you don’t have one, get a hold of your finances, and practice more self-care. Take action and create the life you want.
2. You're focused on how your ex/childs father is living. Sometimes (a lot), the gender inequality really sucks when it comes to parenting. For both sides it can be unfair, but in this case I’m talking about when women are made the primary caretakers (and often end up the primary financial providers as well) and the father gets to live life virtually childless. After work he gets to plop down on the couch but you get to scurry to get dinner together, a raving toddler in the bath and bed, the house picked up, lunches packed for tomorrow, book bags readied, laundry tossed in the washer, unclogging the toilet filled with toilet paper, tripping over legos, etc etc.
It's tempting to sit there and stew over the fact that he gets to part-time parent and avoid the nitty gritty part of it in lieu of fun trips to the park (if he's involved at all) but focusing on that does nothing. If he's living it up, happy and carefree, what can you do about it? Unless he's capable and willing of having 50/50 equal custody and you two both want to create a healthy co-parenting relationship there's quite literally no point in moping over his child free vacay's to the islands. It just takes away your focus and energy from designing your own epic and fantastic life with your kids, which is 100% possible! So, worry about building a healthy co-parenting relationship, communicate openly about the kids, but leave his personal endeavors out of your mind.
3. You're upset because it's not fair. You're damn right it's not! But life doesn't often play by our neat set of rules, does it? The difficult pill to swallow is that life is unfair and in some cases, there won't be any retribution for it. We tend to wait around for Karma to strike in our favor, righting all the wrongs done against us. But focusing on how unfair things are and waiting for it to tip back in your favor may have you waiting for a very, very long time. Your ex very well might have a long and happy relationship with his mistress, it might take another 10 years before women see true equality in the workforce, you might end up having to shoulder the brunt of all the parenting challenges and decisions while dad gets to always be the fun one. Don't let unfairness be what holds you back and keeps you waiting. Dream big anyway, move forward anyway, live a full life and be happy anyway!
Being a single mom isn't the death of a beautiful, rich life; as a matter of fact, it could be that much more motivation for it! Take control of your perspective, thoughts and actions and decide to not only refuse the victim mentality in the face of all your challenges, but to flourish and live an epic life!